A Gamers Guide to Shopping in Australian Game Stores
The Rules of my store . . .
By Sith Lord Jim

© Jim McIntyre
“`We have all seen or been it. An angry customer, crying kids and time wasters, but is the customer always right? Is it just me or do games salespeople have feelings too? Next time your trying to get your local retalier to match an online special while trading in a game that looks like it has been through the blender for a game that is a week before it’s street date, take a read of this and have a laugh at yourself!
“1. You are not as important as you think.
Yes I see you there, but as you can see I am currently serving someone else. Clear your throat one more time and I will clear it for you. “Accidently” kick the counter one more time and I will be forced to kick you. I value my job more than I value you as a customer, so no matter how much you lie and threaten to go elsewhere I still will not sell you games before they are released. If you could actually obtain it early from elsewhere I am sure you already would have done so.
“`2. It is not my responsibility to look after your kid for you.
I am a salesman, not a babysitter. If you leave your kid here understand that I could not care less if a random stranger takes them to their van, or they choke to death on the ice cream they are currently flinging around my store.
“`3. Just because you think you are a gangster…
I am not scared of you nor will I ever be. In fact I find the whole persona you are attempting to project quite laughable. I am not going to give you free stuff, no matter how cool you think you are, or how much you threaten me. Straighten up your hat, get a belt, put on a shirt, and remove yourself and your “homies” from my store.
“`4. Control your kid.
If your kid continues to throw games around the store, while screaming at the top of their lungs, I may be forced to throttle them for you. You may be able to stand there pretending you don’t see/hear what they are doing, but I can not and as I am going to have to clean up after them, I strongly suggest you deal with the kid before I do.
“`5. Bartering is not socially acceptable in Australia.
If it is $0.50 per card sleeve then you can pay $0.50 per sleeve, not 20 cents, 30 cents, or even 45 cents. It is not negotiable. It may have been had you not been so damn rude and I swear that if you utter “Oh well no harm trying” there will certainly be harm for your trying. I am not going to do you a deal simply because you are buying two $9.95 games. There are only 10 bucks each. Deal with it.
“`6. If the store’s front door is closed you can safely assume I am not open.
Do not pull the door open and ask if I am open. Obviously I would have the door open if I wanted people in the store. Do not send your child in to ask if we are open. They are going to get the same response you just got yourself. Kicking the door “accidently” will not cause me to open faster, but may in fact cause me to delay my opening.
“`7. I am not here to hear your life-story.
I will talk to you because A. I want your sale and B. I am a polite person at heart. Yet that does not entitle you to tell me everything about yourself. I do not want to know what you had for breakfast. I do not care that you got new insoles for your shoes. If I am not responding to anything you say it is safe to assume I stopped listening, as I do actually have better things to do than listen to you prattle on for an hour.
“`8. It is not my fault you are stupid.
If you are so dumb as to give you child money and allow them to buy whatever computer game they wish, then it is not my fault if it does not work on your system, it’s yours. Either get a better PC, a brain, or a better kid. I am not going to give you a refund on the grounds that your child is just as stupid as you, no matter how you word it, so do not try that line of argument.
“`9. There is a reason I don’t wear a nametag.
I do not know you, and you do not know me. I am your local games salesperson and lets leave it at that. I do not wish to go out for a drink with you, nor do I want for you to create “hip” nicknames for me. I’d rather if you didn’t say my name at all, but if you must then use my actual name. To you I am James, not Jim, Jimmy, Jim-Jams, or any variation thereof, unless I say otherwise. Just because you buy stuff from me does not make me your buddy. Yes I am friends with some customers and they may call me whatever they feel like, but that does not oblige me to be friends with you.
“`10. While you are welcome to have an opinion, I do not wish to hear it.
Unless you are a friend of mine (See rule 9) or someone I respect I do not actually care what you think. About anything in fact. If you do not like the music I have playing, feel free to not inform me of your dislike. If it happens to be Christian music and you have a problem with that belief system, then that is your issue and not mine, so feel free to not verbalise that. Unless I asked for your thoughts on a particular game, I do not want to hear it. I am aware that some stores do offer cheaper prices. There is no need to stand there and point out things that are overpriced. I can also hear you when you decide to loudly express your opinion to someone else while standing in the store. If you do need to discuss how much of a “cheapskate” I am, I would advise waiting till you were outside the store to do so.
Thank you in advance for your compliance.
© Jim McIntyre 2008

